All along it was a shoe
by Amethyst Wolf 1999
Summary: prepare yourselves for the most epic tail of a quest for love in this parody of Cinderella. you want funny? wacky? weird? well we have it all in this incredible chapter. need cheering up then this is a guaranteed story for you. honestly, this story was created for a laugh so we hope you enjoy.


Once upon a night, on a moon in a galaxy far far away, there was a lake. On this lake there was a lily pad, and on this lily pad was a shoe. On the outside of the shoe, it wasn't much to look at. All dirty and grimy, covered with some green slimy shit (nobody really knew what it was). Inside the shoe lived a little family. A father, called big summer blow out and his two children, a girl called Hansel and a boy called Gretel. They also lived with big summer blow out's niece, Mozartella. Mozartella had been taken in by them when her family had been swallowed by a carp. If only that other glass slipper hadn't hit and destroyed her home, her parents would never have become carp fodder.

They were horrible to poor Mozartella. They made her do all of the chores and the shoework. She was make to cook all sorts of delicious food but not aloud to eat it. Instead she was left to eat dry old flies. Forced to spend her life in rags and sleep in the tip of the slipper which had worn thin, so much so that it had holes where the water would leak in. It was okay though because this meant she didn't have to take a bath as much. Mozartella would often cry herself to sleep, missing the days with her parents when she was allowed to go outside, see daylight and play music. Mozartella was a huge fan of music. She loved to compose all sorts of tunes, but that all changed when she came to live with her uncle and cousins.

Unlike the outside (which she had only seen once, which was when she first arrived) the inside of the shoe was all beautiful and shiny. This was all down to Mozartellas hard work, which she was very proud of. I mean do you know how hard it is to keep a glass shoe looking clean when the outside was all grubby? It was very difficult. It was hard living in a shoe with two cousins and her uncle, not only were they all hurtful to poor Mozartella and made her do everything but it also was a little bit cramped. I mean you try living in a shoe with three other people! Lucky for her they often went to the nearbye pond to party and when they returned they often would just sleep.

One day, on a moon, in a galaxy far away, on a lake, on a lily pad, in a grubby, cramped, glass shoe, Mozartelle and her family were woken by the awful singing of a robin. The robin however didn't seem to care as big summer blow out screamed.

"You whooo! Mind shutting the hell up?"

Instead the robin simply laughed and stated that they would not bring its mood down as it had heard the best news. When big summer blow out had inquired to what the news was, the robin replied.

"The king of the water log is throwing a party and everyone is invited."

"Why would the daft old sod be doing that in the middle of this horrible drought?" big summer blow out complained.

"Why?" The robin laughed again. "Because his son, the royal prince, is of age and the king wishes to find a suitable partner for him."

"My goodness!" Big summer blow out yelled. "You whooo, I say robin, when is this party being held?"

"Why the day after tomorrow." Tweeted the robin. "At sundown."

"Wait!" Big summer blow out yelled as the robin went to fly off. "Is it an open bar?"

"It's a party of the royal princes coming of age. Of course it's an open bar." It's yelled back as it flew away.

Big summer blow out yelled in extasy. "Well spank me silly and call me sally. Kids grab your flippers we gotta swim to the shops to get us some fancy clothes."

Hansel and Gretel jumped out of the glass shoe. Tripping all over the place in their haste before diving head first into the dirty lake water.

"Everyone is invited!" Mozartella's screams of excitement could be heard from inside the shoe. "A party! I get to go to a party!"

"You whooo! What are you getting all happy about? You're not going anywhere Dozzy Mozzy. Get back to your cleaning." Big summer blow out yelled before belly flopping into the water.

Poor Mozartella cry and cry until her face looked like a shrivelled prune that had been the sun for too long. Not long after that her family came back. They looked as glum as Mozartella did when she first arrived at this shoe. Mozartella asked what was wrong to which Hansel cried they had nothing to wear to the party.

When Mozartella asked why they couldn't wear something they already had, they had looked at her with horror.

"What! And wear them for the second time! Discraceful!"

Mozartella cried herself to sleep wishing she was able to go to the party. Once again her family left in the morning leaving her to clean the grimy old shoe. It was afternoon when suddenly a strange character appeared. A figure looking like her uncle wearing a cheap old lily pad dress and a grass wig with dead butterfly wings strapped to their back, had jumped into the shoe.

"Big summer blow out! I just clean that!" Mozartella cried sadly clearly upset.

"I am not big summer blow out! I am your fairy god mother!" Her uncle in disguise yelled.

"My fairy godmother?" She questioned.

"Yes girl! For God sake keep up! I am your fairy godmother! And you shall go to the ball!" The dead butterfly, grass wig, lily pad wearing fairy said throwing a twig at her head. Producing a sack he pulled out a dress made from dead flies wings. "Put this on now!" He commanded. Exstatic that she was going she quickly put on the badly made dress. She was so happy that she completely forgot that the party was tomorrow.

"Now get in my sack!"

"Your sack?"

"Yes my sack!" The fairy godmother yelled impatiently.

Mozartella jumped in the sack. Her fairy godmother waded through the lake water to carry her to the party. Mozartella had never been to a party before so she didn't realise how strange the situation was and asumed that this was the norm. She was so happy that her fairy godmother was working so hard to bring her so much joy. Even if she was a bit weird and had such a deep voice for a lady. Suddenly the sack was dropped and Mozartella came tumbling out. Before her stood (or crouched?) a slimy moist green frog.

"Are you the prince?" Mozartella questioned.

"Yes yes yes yes. Now quickly go and kiss the frog prince." Said her fairy godmother impatiently.

Mozartella didn't question her fairy godmother after all she knew that her fairy godmother only had Mozartella's best wishes at heart.

"Ha ha! Psyche!" Suddenly, her fairy godmother ripped off the disguise revealing that it was in fact her uncle and not a fairy godmother at all.

"Big summer blow out it is you!" Mozartella screamed upset. "But why all the deception? Why did you pretend to be my fairy god mother?"

"Because we are poor and in debt! And this gracious frog offered us a lot of gold in return of you becoming his wife. This gold will solve all of our problems!" Big summer blow out yelled happily. Grabbing a heavy chest filled with gold.

"So he's not the prince?"

"Of course not you stupied girl. The prince isn't a frog!"

"But we aren't married!" Cried mozartella.

"For frogs, kissing is the equivalent to "I do" in marital form. And you're in a wedding dress. You are married now!"

"No uncle! Why!" She screamed as her uncle ran away with the gold.

The frog ribbited as he grabbed her, hopping away. They passed a beautiful gold carriage. Mozartella screamed for help. A handsome man rolled down the window. He took one look at the grubby girl and the slimy frog before turning his nose up and told the driver to move on. Mozartella fought and cried, begging for the man in the carriage to come back and help her. The frog hopped away taking her back to his pond. It was a beautiful pond on top of a cliff that overlooked the valley. The view would have been breath taking had she not been in the clutches of a slippery frog that was hopping all over the place. She was starting to feel nauseous. In the middle of the pond was an island. On the island was tall grass. The frog hopped through the grass to its home in the clearing. The home was made of plants. The roof was made from huge mushrooms and the walls were made from beautiful flowers.

"This is your house?" She questioned the frog which nodded in answer. "It's amazing!"

It ribbited at her before hopping them into the house. The inside was beautiful too. He dropped her at the foot of a mushroom and disappeared.

She sniffed looking around the house. Unlike her old shoe home this one was natural. Their home had once belonged to a royal couple but when their relationship took a turn for the worse so did the shoes. I mean what do you expect when you married someone because of their feet size. Needless to say when it ended, the shoes had been thrown away. This house was nothing like that. Suddenly the frog was back. Mozartella screamed as it dropped frogspawn into her lap. She threw it away. The frog ribbited in annoyance before once again dropping it in her lap. This happened several times over till mozartella screamed in frustration.

"I don't know what you want from me!" She cried and ran away.

She spent a cold night alone out in the darkness. She carried on walking the next day until she eventually stumbled across the water log as darkness settled and night set in. She made her way to the party hoping to find help and maybe her true prince charming. She stumbled into the party cold and tired. Everyone stopped their disco rave and stared at her.

"Oh ma gawd! Look what that hoe is wearing! She practically a walking buffet!" A partyer exclaimed. (Partier? )

"Look at dem legs on her! She practically a bug on sticks."

One voice she recognised in the crowd was Gretel.

He yelled to his sister Hansel. "I didn't even know that bitch had legs!"

Everyone started laughing.

"You!" Mozartella screamed at a man in the crowd. It was the handsome man from the carriage. "I begged you to help me and you just looked at me with disgust!" She cried.

"I am the prince of the water log and this is my party you can't talk to me like that!"

"Why didn't you help me!"

"Why would a godly man such as myself help a peasant like you? Dirty swamp rat!"

She lunged at the prince snatching his crown and repetitively bashed his head in with it.

"You whooo big summer blow out!" She yelled before jumping at her uncle and sank her teeth into his throat.

Blood spurting everywhere. The dj accident hit play as they scrambled to leave, terrified as a bloodbath started to unravel before them. 'My heart will go on' suddenly blasted throughout the palace as Mozartella attacked her next victim, staking them in the heart with a wooden spoon. She pulled the rod out of the ass of her latest victim and beat her with it. She leaped at the next person stucking her hand down this mans throat suffocating him and pulling out their fake teeth. She continued her killing spree, running around laughing like a mad man with a bloody wooden spoon in one hand and a pair of denchers in the other which she was using as knuckle dusters. Eventually the body count climbed till there was no one left in the water log palace.

Tired she made her way back to the beautiful flower house and her frog husband. From then on she was known as Crazy Dozzy Mozzy of the palace court culling. She was know for the killing of 53 people but no one really cared because let's be honest they were all posh tossers anyway. And if you come across a moon in a galaxy far far away, in a valley, on a cliff, in a pond, on an island, in the long grass you may find a small girl living with her frog husband and their many children (There was a lot of tadpoles. Like a lot.) But don't even think for a second she lived happily ever after. I mean think about it! She's a girl married to a frog who doesn't even speak the same language, surrounded by hundreds of adopted children. Living the rest of her days eating flies. So, no. No happy ever after here. But the view was nice.

Moral of the story. DON'T THROW AWAY YOUR SHOES!


End file.
